Indulge vs Destroy
Jan
12
Written by:
1/12/2012 4:17 AM
If you want to destroy your worse enemy, provide him/her everything. That will deprive your enemy the opportunity to learn and develop independence. In the end he/she will be a useless person. Unfortunately, this is what many parents doing to their children.
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend, who due to her work has many chances to talk to parents. She met many of the parents she know, love their children very much and are ready to give up their jobs. They want to give their children the best, chauffeuring their children to schools, extra-curriculum activities and other enrichment programmes outside schools. Many, despite having degrees are willing to give up their jobs for the children. All have the hope to give their children the best.
In fact, in Singapore, it is common to have stay-home parents to hire stay-home domestic helpers. Since most houses are relatively small, the domestic helpers can become quite free, and many of them tend to give in to the masters and mistresses - our children. If the parents do not enforce any rules, many children rely on their helpers to do everything, including brushing their own teeth, wearing shoes, wearing clothes, even when their children are in primary schools (above 6 years old).
While these parents may see the over-reliance of our children with domestic helpers as "no big deal", they may not realize they are actually depriving their children of learning and developing their motor skills and independence. Their children are UNLIKELY to survive themselves. That is very VERY scary.
What will life become when we, parents, pass away due to old age, sickness or any other reasons? Can our children survive by themselves? Can our children be able to get married and setup their own families?
In my personal view, parents should set a limit what we or our domestic helpers do for our children. We have to create the environment and opportunity for them to learn and grow. Otherwise, our children will end up "lose out" to the others, especially the youngsters from other countries. I have a few business friends preferring to hire foreigners because their attitudes of the Singaporean youngsters are not as good as the foreign workers.
Some parents highlighted that this can be resolved by asking the government to set the limit to the number foreign workers. But, in this new internet age, the employers can easily hire foreign workers without the need to bring them into Singapore. Work can easily be assigned and completed over Internet.
If parents continue to indulge our children with "luxury", without giving them the opportunities to grow and learn, they are eventually slowly and surely DESTROYING their beloved children. And, since this blog is about money and kids, I would like to also relate similar indulgence towards children over money. Many parents still hold the belief that we need not or even should not discuss too much about money with children, as it may burden them or make them too money minded.
However, once the habits of receiving and enjoying the luxury are formed, they will be difficult to be broken. I had one retiree friend in his 50s admitted he made a mistake in indulging his son who up till "now" in his 30s, still need his father (my friend) to pay for his credit card bills.
While it is never too late to teach and reform, reforming of habits is usually done with much painful process, and is harder as we age. This is spoken with experience and I believe most adults have similar experience.
In summary, (parents) please DO NOT indulge your children. Let them take up responsibilities, tasks and give them the opportunity to learn and build up the necessary physical and mental skills. Our children will benefit and learn from every activity they do, no matter how insignificant and lowly they are.
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